tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-59653052011-04-21T13:15:16.302-07:00A Deadly Blend of Hell and Ecstasy...Alucardx03noreply@blogger.comBlogger941100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1137736104729011452006-01-19T21:23:00.000-08:002006-01-19T21:48:24.776-08:00Guess who's back? I left my poor little blog because I was sucked into the shiny new world of myspace, like a damn squirrel to tin foil. The picture hosting sounded cool, the people, and ways of staying in contact, but alas, too many people started reading your twin brother. Not identical twins though, dizygotic to be sure.And, take a guess at what I'm going to do on here that I can't do on the Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1100842030960050332004-11-18T21:26:00.000-08:002004-11-18T21:27:10.960-08:00www.BrianMundt.Blogspot.comAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1100558743967557742004-11-15T14:45:00.000-08:002004-11-15T14:45:43.966-08:00Alright, I lied; this is my last post.
Goodbye...Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1100493484182229992004-11-14T20:35:00.000-08:002004-11-14T20:38:04.183-08:00This might be my last post; I'm still debating it. This characer doesn't exist any longer. I think it might be time...
I don't get like this too often.
The dreams tonight are going to be bad.
LaterAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1100236582557028392004-11-11T21:08:00.000-08:002004-11-11T21:21:00.440-08:00200 = a million, but I don't really care anymore. It'll change, and when it does, I'll still be here, maybe not in the same way, but I know I won't give up.
I'm really depressed. I'm tired. I'm tired of life in general. I could so easily give it all up. I could change everything. I would be willing to bet that a lot of the changes would be for the better, a lot for the worse.
One says one Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1099611505638144062004-11-04T15:37:00.000-08:002004-11-04T15:38:25.636-08:00I feel like shooting myself. At least it'll all go away when I'm at Megadeth tonight. I just have to make it until then...
God-fucking-damnitAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1099550619876775112004-11-03T22:43:00.000-08:002004-11-03T22:43:39.876-08:00I can't get some of this stuff out of my head. Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1099519639104594592004-11-03T14:03:00.001-08:002004-11-03T22:41:10.676-08:00SLAYER! At any metal concert, Slayer fans will always scream SLAYER! at the top of their lungs. It's paying homage to one of the greatest death metal bands I guess. Anyways, I'm looking forward to it; maybe it'll help me get my mind off some of this other shit. Go there, kick a little ass in the pits with Joe; it's a good way to let out some pent-up frustration.
And tomorrow...MEGADETH!!!
Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1099460040472937642004-11-02T21:33:00.000-08:002004-11-02T21:34:00.473-08:00I can't remember the last time I was this scared.Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1099439873574692892004-11-02T15:29:00.000-08:002004-11-02T16:10:58.220-08:00The reason I hardly post anymore is that I would be complaining all the time, and complaining really isn't my style. In all honesty, things just suck right now. School is so hard and it's getting a little frustrating.
Today was going to be better though; that's what I told myself at least. I got up early because I had to lead an hour and 35 minute discussion. It's an inquiry class, and I had toAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1099286852714363192004-10-31T21:25:00.000-08:002004-10-31T21:27:32.716-08:00I spent the last 5 days with Julie, it was so much fun. We got a lot closer, which is always nice. We cleared up some issues, toilet papered a house and talked a lot. I'm happy (and lucky as hell) that I have her. Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1098941071796572082004-10-27T22:22:00.000-07:002004-10-27T22:24:31.796-07:00That girl can make everything better; just seeing her puts me in a good mood. God, I love her so much...
I need some sleep; tomorrow is today and I needed sleep yesterday for today, so I'm a little behind as it is.
G'nightAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1098429368598219302004-10-22T01:14:00.000-07:002004-10-22T00:16:08.600-07:00Writing something is better than writing nothing...Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1098343518003753662004-10-21T01:06:00.000-07:002004-10-21T00:25:18.003-07:00This may sound ridiculous, but the last few days I completely forgot that I had a blog. I would read others and not remember that I had one of my own that I had to update.
Anyways...
Joe, Mike, and Ian left about two hours ago. It was a fun night; we watched The Crow and played some games. It's nice to hang out in a bigger group; I get to hang out with those guys so infrequently, it's great to Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1098072360221552062004-10-17T21:01:00.000-07:002004-10-17T21:06:00.220-07:00Julie just left. God, I love that girl. You know, everyone who is probably reading this has heard it from me more times than they want to. I don't know what to do though; I'm so deep in love with her, it's almost scary. In all honesty, she's one of the best people I've ever met, I couldn't think of anything else that I would want in a person. I just don't know what I did to have her; I'm really Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1097682452161735912004-10-13T08:31:00.000-07:002004-10-13T08:47:32.163-07:00Last night was bad; probably one of the worst I can remember. Yesterday, I was fine. I woke up with only my knee hurting. I went to school and operated fine. About halfway through Rhetoric and composition, I started to get that feeling in my stomach. It was a nauseas feeling, but not one that was urgent. I just sat through the rest of the class, hoping that it didn't get any worse. I was Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1097359355077704332004-10-09T15:01:00.000-07:002004-10-09T15:02:35.076-07:00It's 5:01 and I start work at 5...oops...
hahaha, yeah, better get going...
laterAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1097310840614099822004-10-09T01:33:00.000-07:002004-10-09T01:34:00.613-07:003:33 AM. Two thoughts; I'm tired and I love Julie more than anything else.
GoodnightAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1097268395432540242004-10-08T13:15:00.000-07:002004-10-08T13:46:35.433-07:00So, here I am. It's 3:15 and I work at 5. I told myself that I would come home from school and sleep, but alas, I'm wide awake, wasting time on the computer. It's a habit of mine. I put everything off until I just can't anymore. I tell myself "Well, if I got to sleep right now, I would get four hours. You know, I don't really need four hours; three would suffice." It continues like that until I Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1097130639730382982004-10-06T23:30:00.000-07:002004-10-06T23:30:39.730-07:001:30 AM. I'm deaf.Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1097096495764144182004-10-06T14:00:00.000-07:002004-10-06T14:01:35.763-07:00Right now, I’m sitting on the highest floor of Cudahy Hall, in a peaceful little alcove, typing whatever comes to me. This is my favorite place on the entire campus. No one comes up here to work, and if they do, no one ventures back here. Complete privacy; it feels nice to be able to work in silence and be able to look out the window and see the beautiful Jesuit Church steeple to my left, or lookAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1096340452994273572004-09-27T19:43:00.000-07:002004-09-27T20:00:52.993-07:00Loneliness has a certain smell to it. I can't explain what it is; I think it's just yourself. When you're with other people, you can smell them and their house and their surroundings. It sounds ridiculous, but I think it's true. Today, I hung out with Colin and the car smelled the way it did two summers ago. I remember hanging out with my friends every night, talking, laughing and having the Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1096175582870817642004-09-25T22:12:00.000-07:002004-09-25T22:13:02.870-07:00My big night; the night I was looking forward to the entire week, and I’m sitting in my dark basement, typing this. It’s pathetic, really, really pathetic. It’s amazing how things just fall through. This came at such a bad time. I’ve been thinking about how I’m drifting from all of my friends and tonight I realized just how true that was.
I called Colin because he didn’t know if he could do Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1095913850498054552004-09-22T21:30:00.000-07:002004-09-22T21:30:50.500-07:00It’s been a little while; this feels strange to me for some reason. I’ve been in the mood to write, but not to post in this blog. I’ve been writing quite a bit, but the non-fiction of my life has become a boring and monotonous subject; one that people would like to read just as much as I would like to type. But alas, here I am, back in front of the computer trying desperately to throw my thoughtsAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1095573533485988352004-09-18T22:57:00.000-07:002004-09-18T22:59:52.056-07:00I can't even type because my hands are shaky. Tonight was horrible. Everything that could of went wrong did. This was one of those days I would like to erase from memory. I want to go to sleep and forget about it...Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1095200293635018612004-09-14T15:11:00.000-07:002004-09-14T15:18:13.636-07:00I'm sitting in the Franklin Library. I've come to an important realization in the last few days; I have to study. I thought college was like high school; if the assignments aren't mandatory, don't do them. In high school, I wouldn't even try; I wouldn't ever do a homework assignment at home, I wouldn't study and I wouldn't pay attention in class. I know now that I have to work a lot harder if I Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1095049468686841872004-09-12T21:24:00.000-07:002004-09-12T21:24:28.686-07:00I've got that feeling again...Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1093611444517189212004-08-27T05:55:00.000-07:002004-08-27T05:57:24.516-07:007:53 AM. I know it's been a long time since my last post. I've been putting it off and delaying it and I'm going to do it once again. I stayed out too late last night and I'm feeling it now. I'm so tired and it's so early. God, I just want sleep....Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1093241672454537022004-08-22T22:57:00.000-07:002004-08-23T10:01:03.136-07:00Colin just left, we watched a really fucking funny show; I'm not even sure what it was called. After the episode, we watched Bad Santa (which was awesome) and I kicked some ass in ESPN NFL 2K5; can you say 27-35? I feel like I'm getting a lot closer to Colin. It seems as though we've been hanging out almost every day.
Tomorrow should be uh...interesting. I start my survey job. I guess I start Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1093061320869229332004-08-20T21:02:00.000-07:002004-08-20T21:08:40.870-07:00Today I went to see Exorcist: The Beginning with Joe, Ian and Ishmael. The movie was good, however, I don't think anything can stack up to the first one. After the movie, we all went to Pius to pick up our year books (which are ugly as hell). We uh...spoke to an old friend and then stopped in to see Julie at work. I got home at about 4:50 and had literally 3 minutes to get ready and eat. Work wasAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1092985029275342252004-08-19T23:56:00.000-07:002004-08-20T10:50:49.953-07:00Yesterday was pretty shitty. It just seemed as though everything was going wrong. Julie left early at about 11:00 so I called Colin to hang out. I picked him up and we went to Mcarty Park. We literally walked around the park because there was a cop patrolling inside. After the park we decided to get some Webbs. It was nice just to sit and talk. The conversation was just what I needed after a Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1092110193696171912004-08-09T20:56:00.000-07:002004-08-09T20:56:33.696-07:00As I thought they would be, these two days were crazy. It was so much fun. On the way to the Dells, we watched Pee Wee’s Playhouse and ate a bunch of candy. We got to the hotel yesterday at around 12:30 and our rooms were ready early, so we went up there to change. The rooms were really big, so fitting four people was easy. Things started to get nuts when we first got in the room. Colin took a Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1091942971536749332004-08-07T22:21:00.000-07:002004-08-07T22:29:31.536-07:00Today was a nice slow day. I didn't feel like going to State Fair with my family, so I decided to stay home. They got back early because it was so crowded, and we went out to eat. Julie got here about 6:45 and we hung out until twenty after eleven. As always, it was a damn good time. We just talked a little and had some fun. Things have been really good lately, really, really good. In all honestyAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1091920187888893972004-08-07T16:04:00.000-07:002004-08-07T16:09:47.886-07:00Slow day so far, I slept until about 1:30 and then I sat at home when my parents went to State Fair. I didn't feel like going, it's the same every year. They ended up only driving there and coming back; I guess it was so crowded that the entire parking lot was full and they didn't feel like parking a long ways away. It was nice to get a momentary break from them though. Julie's coming over in a Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1091861921018159422004-08-06T23:58:00.000-07:002004-08-07T22:38:58.156-07:00I want to go up to every person I have ever hurt and give them a big hug. I want to make things alright again. I don't want anyone to hurt because of me. I'm trying to forgive and love.Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1091816108183966792004-08-06T10:52:00.000-07:002004-08-06T11:15:08.183-07:00Yesterday was great. Colin came over again and we played the same game. He didn't want to play it with his bro because he wasn't really that good. After a few games, we watched the movie Reservoir Dogs. Amazing movie; so sick and twisted. It was probably the most saddistic movie I have ever seen. After the movie, we decided to go get some pie. Joe just got out of work so he met us there. It was Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1091691736872736772004-08-05T00:26:00.000-07:002004-08-05T00:44:05.000-07:00Well, its been awhile since my last post and I dcecided it was time for a new one. I'm not especially in the mood to write, but if I only wrote when in the mood, I wouldn't write. It's kind of weird, but the most calming aspects of my life I have to find time and force myself to do. Anyways...
Today was my last day of physical therapy. My therapist, Kristin, told me to have a good life. It's Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1091333328787322982004-07-31T19:25:00.000-07:002004-07-31T21:08:48.786-07:00Jesus-fucking-christ. I'm having the best fucking time here. Oh my goddamn god (Colin's personal phrase), this is the craziest weekend I have ever had. Everything is so pumped up to about a ten.
Yesterday, we went to the park and we started the day off with the biggest and fastest coaster in the world; 420 feet, 120+ mph. The Top Thrill Dragster was probably the best seventeen seconds in my lifeAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1091155678226655542004-07-29T19:12:00.000-07:002004-07-29T19:47:58.226-07:00So, I'm chilling with Colin in Ohio. I decided to take my computer last minute and it paid off because they have free wireless internet in every room. It's bitchin', Colin and I have our own room, our own beds, and we don't have to live with my bro and Josh which saves a lot of headaches.
We haven't even done anything major today and it's already been so much fun. This is just what I needed; a Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1091033820813235712004-07-28T09:50:00.000-07:002004-07-28T09:57:00.813-07:00Last night I ran. It was probably the longest distance I ever have. I couldn't stop, I wanted to feel the pain and with every jolt that my knee took, I pushed harder and harder. My legs went numb and I couldn't breathe, I only stopped when I couldn't see right anymore; I didn't want to risk a seizure. After the run, I drove to Mcarty park; it was one of those nights when I really didn't care Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1090996273702085642004-07-27T23:30:00.000-07:002004-07-27T23:31:13.703-07:00Every day brings with it uncertaintyAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1090956219435879392004-07-27T12:12:00.000-07:002004-07-27T12:23:39.436-07:00Just got back from Steve Jones' funeral. I don't know, I'm not sure what I'm thinking, there are just so many thoughts. I think I can sum it up through someone else's words;
"Waste and void. Waste and Void. And darkness on the face of the deep."
-T.S. Elliot
I saw Ian there; he was crying. I didn't know what to do, I rubbed his back a little and eventually gave him a hug. He seemed a little Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1090905109156895372004-07-26T21:54:00.000-07:002004-07-26T22:11:49.156-07:00My cousin left not too long ago, he told me some disturbing news. As it would happen to turn out, she sent him an email. By she, I mean the one that fucked up my cousin's life for awhile. Sam... god I hate her. After two years of no contact whatsoever, she emails him out of the blue and wants to know if he's still living in the same house and if she could call. She said that "a lot of free time Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1090876857372351602004-07-26T14:00:00.000-07:002004-07-26T14:21:54.123-07:00Yesterday was a ton of fun. Julie came on the boat with the family yesterday. It was really a great time. My parents let me take the boat out by myself. It was only us two on the boat and she was screaming the entire way; it was funny. We were the only two people to swim even though the water was very comfortable. We played catch and then wrestled for the football. Julie almost ripped my eye out Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1090615953860389702004-07-23T13:24:00.000-07:002004-07-23T13:52:33.860-07:00No matter how you're feeling, you can always look to the stars and find solace, tranquility and peace of soul. All stars fade out and, unfortunately, sometimes it's the brightest and most beautiful stars that die. It doesn't matter though, because if that star gave you happiness and comfort, if only for a second, it won't fade from memory and it will never truly die. Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1090614238024031432004-07-23T13:17:00.000-07:002004-07-23T13:23:58.023-07:00Yesterday was amazing. Julie came over and we hung out for fifteen and a half hours. We watched Alien, took two walks, watched the stars from the trampoline and talked. Everything is back to where it should be. Yesterday was just so much fun, I can't even begin to describe it. I'm so lucky to have her.Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1090479244880479692004-07-21T23:29:00.000-07:002004-07-21T23:54:04.880-07:00Wow, today was really weird. It started off normal; I got up early to go to physical therapy. Once again, I over did the workout and came home limping. I leg-pressed 90 pounds with my bad knee, not too bad if I do say so myself. After therapy, I came home telling myself not to go back to bed. I slept until 2:00.
Colin called and asked to hang out. I picked him up a half hour late and we went Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1090363980549484592004-07-20T15:32:00.000-07:002004-07-20T15:55:15.196-07:00Hmm....I'm not sure what to write. There are a lot of things going on; things I'm excited about, things that I'm worried about, things that bother me, and things that are running rampant through my head. They all seem worth while, but I don't really feel like bringing any of them up. I feel that if I open the little gates, everything is just going to pour out and it'll put me in a bad mood.
Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1090192860975620832004-07-18T16:15:00.000-07:002004-07-18T16:21:00.976-07:00Nothing new really, it's just a quiet day. My parents took my brother to a park to ride his dirt bike and they left me here. Last night, Colin and I watched a movie and just talked a little. He's doing fine. It feels good not to have to work until Friday.
I keep telling myself to hold out just a little longer, I can't wait to get outta here. Now that Colin's coming with, it should be a lot of Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1090120737946716972004-07-17T20:02:00.000-07:002004-07-17T20:18:57.946-07:00Just got back from work. It was alright, although I can kind of see the same thing happening with my boss. He's back to just standing around and watching TV. I'm actually in a pretty good mood. At about 9 o'clock I looked at my boss and said, "Shane, I'm gonna go home." He agreed without putting up any kind of argument or questioning. I've got such control over him.
Colin is going to come Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1090014096944953822004-07-16T14:20:00.000-07:002004-07-16T14:41:36.943-07:00Yesterday was great. I went to Six Flags with Joe and Mike. This was the first time I have ever hung out with just both of those guys. I found out that it's the perfect combination. It's been a long time since I have laughed that hard. We stayed from about noon until 8:30 or so. We had so much fun I can't even begin to describe. We hit a lot of rides because the lines were minimal and even found Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1089908352549499222004-07-15T09:12:00.000-07:002004-07-15T09:20:27.136-07:00I don't know what happened last night. Julie came over yesterday and seemed to be fine until later on in the evening. It hit suddenly and she started to have a little bit of a breakdown. Her mood transferred to me and in a few minutes I had so many emotions coursing through me that I couldn't distinguish them. The night just got worse and worse from there. I'm a little worried; about her, about Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1089686327872420112004-07-12T19:28:00.000-07:002004-07-12T19:38:47.873-07:00Well, after that last post I got home from work. Neither of the reactions was one I expected. It put me in a bad mood but after talking to Julie for a few minutes that night, I was doing fine again. It was a refreshing conversation; intelligent, stupid and just fun.
Yesterday, Julie and I went on the boat. We just zipped around the lake a few times before swimming at the sandbar. After that, weAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1089408678140139142004-07-09T14:26:00.000-07:002004-07-09T14:31:18.140-07:00Today is my first day back to work. In about 20 minutes I have to be in my car driving there. I'm not looking forward to it. Having nearly a month off has been so liberating. I forgot how good it is not to have a job. I could spend my days how I wanted to and I wouldn't have to worry about working later in the week. I can't even really say that I miss the money. I mean, it was nice to get a good Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1089315105997410642004-07-08T12:31:00.000-07:002004-07-08T12:31:45.996-07:00I hope Julie's doing alright...Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1089238301779487542004-07-07T14:45:00.000-07:002004-07-07T15:11:41.780-07:00The last few days have been interesting; not especially exciting, but interesting nonetheless. The annual party was a lot of fun. Julie fit in really well and I even had a few people comment on how well she fit in. Fireworks were alright, but last year's were better (because I was in charge of them last year). Jay was in a great mood, and, as always, we got along just great. We had a few games ofAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1088749976328404342004-07-01T22:58:00.000-07:002004-07-01T23:35:09.313-07:00Fucking awesome night. A little fucking Damageplan and a lot of fucking swearing. God, awesome show; those guys are crazy, the fans are crazy, and we got good seats because Joe was in a wheelchair. It was the singer's birthday so he brought cake onto the stage, took handfulls of it and started to chuck it into the audience.
"We even got enough for you fuckers out there, everyone gets a fucking Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1088726817881148392004-07-01T16:59:00.000-07:002004-07-01T23:42:11.506-07:00I hardly slept at all last night, and when I finally got to sleep, I wished that I hadn't. I can't even get peace in slumber. When I'm awake, it's a constant bombardment, and when I sleep I'm tortured. I didn't do anything to deserve any of this. I don't want to complain, I know so many people have it worse than I do. I'm just so sick of these over dramaticized situations; I want things to be Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1088663866969892982004-06-30T23:37:00.000-07:002004-06-30T23:37:46.970-07:00I wish I couldn’t feel anymore. The more I try; I realize how hopeless this life becomes and how inadequate my efforts really are. Things can fall apart so quickly and the ironic part is that it’s too fast to pick up the fallen pieces. It’s a horrible feeling not having an answer to who you really are. I thought I knew who I was, but today, that entire view was shifted and skewed and beaten so Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1088574753948738032004-06-29T22:46:00.000-07:002004-06-29T22:59:01.956-07:00All it took were a few honest words from someone who means a whole lot to me. "You've changed dude, and it's not necessarily for the better." I can always count on my cousin for an honest opinion. I feel really luck to have someone like that in my life. I hadn't been able to see the change from a third person view. I hadn't seen him for a while, and he could tell I was different in the first hourAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1088491538993122302004-06-28T23:23:00.000-07:002004-06-29T00:01:40.946-07:00Tonight I learned a just how immature I really am. I was invited to a party at Ryan Craig's house. I got there around 11:45 and found that a lot of people I knew were there. I walked in and everyone reaked of alcohol; most people couldn't even stand. One girl kept falling over and trying to flash everyone, it took everything Ryan had to stop her. I went downstairs to find Ian at the bar. He Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1088447530320566852004-06-28T11:22:00.000-07:002004-06-28T11:32:10.320-07:00It's the simple things in life that I value the most. I forgot how damn good an ordinary shower can be. Now that the brace is off, I can finally scratch the skin when it itches and let the cool outside air carry away the feeling of imprisonment. Good, good stuff.
I have to go to physical therapy twice a week for six weeks. It's going to be about 2 months before I can run and jump, and about a Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1088406734756150862004-06-27T23:56:00.000-07:002004-06-28T00:12:14.756-07:00I had an idea today. I felt like just taking my car, computer and a few hundred dollars and heading to the coast; any coast. I would just sit in my car and write throughout the night. I wouldn't have to worry about anything. I could leave all of my problems behind and come back with a piece of work that I was truly proud of. I would free my mind by swimming in the ocean and sitting on the hood ofAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1088308102867303822004-06-26T20:08:00.000-07:002004-06-26T20:56:17.380-07:00You know, I don't even know what to write. I have all these thoughts running through my head, but I can't seem to grab any of them. Hmm... Well, I guess I'll start with last night. I fucked things up again. I really didn't mean to, but I never do. I was an ass just because I had a bad day. I ruined the night for Julie and Deanne. I didn't talk the entire night and just kind of ignored everybody. Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1088132577089683922004-06-24T19:56:00.000-07:002004-06-24T20:02:57.090-07:00Tomorrow I'm going to try and brave the crowds at Summerfest to see Ben Folds. Even though he completely sold out, I told my brother I'd take him and his friend (God, that's going to be awful. His friend has a lisp and I can't understand what the hell he's saying. I just nod and smile while they both make fun of me).
I was thinking back to last year (It isn't exactly a year ago, he played on Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1088114725842140822004-06-24T14:51:00.000-07:002004-06-24T15:07:52.146-07:00I can't find the words to express how cool last night was; it was just awesome. But then again, when is hanging out with Julie not cool?
I slept until about 1:30, with the lower doses of Oxycontin I'm sleeping better. I love not having to do anything. I'm leaving in a little while to visit Joe, blah. Later tonight, I'm grabbing some grub with Colin; wicked (Yes Julie, I said wicked). It should Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1088037089512083542004-06-23T19:31:00.000-07:002004-06-24T15:06:13.876-07:00Life is about as peachy as Georgia right now.
Of all I've learned... the most important truth is to not mask yourself as anyone else.
-JulesAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1087969564748612032004-06-22T22:42:00.000-07:002004-06-22T22:46:04.746-07:00I've been getting closer to all of my friends; all except one. I've been drifting apart from Colin and there's nothing I can do about it. It kills me because I think of all the memories I have with him. He was, and still is, my best friend. I know he probably doesn't feel the same about me. I try so hard, and nothing I do seems to help. I don't know, it just doesn't feel the same...Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1087954470292306832004-06-22T18:20:00.000-07:002004-06-22T18:34:30.293-07:00The Halo party was great. I can't remember having such a good time. My friends are so great. I got closer with Mariano, he's such a great guy. Out of everyone, he was the one there helping me when I needed it and I can't even explain how much I appreciated it. And of course, everyone else helped me a lot, although, I'm beginning to need help less and less. I'm putting a lot of weight on my leg, Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1087858692136206212004-06-21T15:56:00.000-07:002004-06-21T15:58:12.136-07:00Don't believe what you see in the mirror. Don't listen to the words of others. Don't stray from your own path. Walk strong, walk often. Head up, eyes down and the world behind you. Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1087844052904213312004-06-21T11:52:00.000-07:002004-06-21T11:54:12.903-07:00I watched The Cooler last night. Man, what an awesome movie. It was one of those films that just made you feel good, that would just make you smile. Go out and rent it. I'm gonna watch Rain Man and Jacob's Ladder. I'll post a little later.Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1087789254061766162004-06-20T20:39:00.000-07:002004-06-20T20:40:54.060-07:00I never realized how much I valued being able to go outside. It feels like the walls are creeping closer and closer...Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1087781710383712152004-06-20T18:29:00.000-07:002004-06-20T18:35:10.383-07:00I just had a little bit of a revelation. I remembered one night and what I saw. I forgot and I got lost. God! Thats it, I saw the same thing last night and I couldn't place it. It just took a few words to jar my memory. I've got it now, it's what kept me going when I felt like I couldn't. I can't let go, I know that now. I've got a new memory to tide me over, and this one is staying with me.Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1087777322683095552004-06-20T17:15:00.000-07:002004-06-20T17:22:02.683-07:00I've had a lot of time to think in the past few days, and the great irony of the situation is that the medication I'm on ruins my concentration. Ah well, sometimes it's better to just take a minute and watch life run by and not try to jump in a join the race. Conversation, fire, faceless people, and great company; I'm so lucky. I'm trying, really, I am.
Dodgeball was really funny, a little of Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1087618873325762482004-06-18T21:09:00.000-07:002004-06-18T21:21:13.326-07:00Whenever I have time to spare with nothing to do, or don't want to be in a certain situation, or feel like I'm going to lose it and revert to the way I used to be, I make my mind leave. I go to this place, I don't know where it is, or how to get there. I just know it exists and that I'm happy there. Let me explain this place to you...
It's a beach. The sand isn't white, it's more of a brownish Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1087586367926566002004-06-18T12:14:00.000-07:002004-06-18T12:21:29.490-07:00Ah shit, last night was bad; today is bad. The pain really transcends description. Two Oxycontin's and I still wince. Well, as of right now, this is the worst I've ever felt. I thought the ankle was bad, holy hell, right now I wish my ankle was broken. I came really close to throwing up lastnight too, I guess all that medication on an empty stomach isn't the best idea. It's weird though, I have Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1087528764952485102004-06-17T20:16:00.000-07:002004-06-17T20:19:24.953-07:00Julie and Deanne just stopped over. It meant more than I can even say. It just feels so good to know that people actually do care about how I'm doing. It was also nice to talk to Joe and to know he was thinking of me too. In these kinds of situations, it becomes apparent who your real friends are. I'm just thankful for all of them.Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1087494086858075272004-06-17T10:35:00.000-07:002004-06-17T10:41:26.856-07:00It's done and I can say that I have a new experience under my belt. It hurts a little (okay, okay, okay, it hurts like you wouldn't believe), but I'm just sitting in my room typing this and not having to worry about a single thing. Good times.
The crutches that they the nurse gave me were taller than her. I refused to take the wheelchair and insisted on walking outside on the things. All is wellAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1087444516072177052004-06-16T20:55:00.000-07:002004-06-16T20:55:16.073-07:00God, I've learned so much in the last few days. I think I found who I used to be. For a little while there, I completely forgot about the things that kept me alive. Three days in the Dells has completely changed me. Seeing my friend and the struggle she is going through, I realized how fortunate I really am. For a second, I was completely transported from the troubles that I knew all too well, toAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1086856207844990802004-06-10T01:29:00.000-07:002004-06-10T01:30:07.846-07:00I'm lonely...Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1086845030908860542004-06-09T22:22:00.000-07:002004-06-09T22:25:16.530-07:00Can't stop working, can't stop even though my eyes burn and my head aches, I have to keep going, I only have to keep this up a little longer, I'm so close, can't stop, must keep working ..............................................................................Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1086764357893235082004-06-08T23:55:00.000-07:002004-06-08T23:59:17.893-07:00I needed a break. I've been working so hard on this new project. Actually, it isn't new; it's an old story that I started many months ago. I'm trying to get the first twenty pages into perfect shape for submission. And along with the first twenty pages, I have to have a detailed synopsis and in-depth character sketches. Man, it's really hard to create entirely new people. I feel like it's the Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1086674243704320092004-06-07T22:52:00.000-07:002004-06-07T22:57:23.703-07:00Wow, this is kind of depressing. Out of Joe, Ian, and Mariano, not one of them showed up. Everyone said they would be here at nine. Now, it's 12:52 and I'm sitting in a dark basement by meself yet again. Yeah well, this happens quite a bit, I'm used to it.
This is a quote that I'm especially fond of from Cowboy Bebop:
Everything has a beginning and an end. Life is just a cycle of starts and Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1086657973285798122004-06-07T18:15:00.000-07:002004-06-07T18:26:13.286-07:00Ahhh...It feels good not to have to work for a few days. This'll give me a chance to get a little more writing done and catch up on a little sleep.
Johnny V's was awesome; just sitting there, talking with Colin; a remembrance of the past I guess. The food was good (although really really really spicy, it hurt my mouth) and there were some interesting people there. I guess I could have seen that Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1086501370210984482004-06-05T22:50:00.000-07:002004-06-05T22:56:10.210-07:00Maybe I'm not real. What if I'm a thought just drifting through time that can think about itself and project a manifestation of what it thinks it would be if it were an entity? Doesn't it seem that everything's different anyway? Everything can shift, why not thoughts? I know people can, they can become everything of the nothing they've never dreamed of. Sometimes I'm searching for an angel in allAlucardx03noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1086423474520687492004-06-05T01:17:00.000-07:002004-06-05T01:17:54.520-07:00With advancing clouds and advancing uncertainty, a single shooting star took away my doubts. It shot from the clouds and escaped the fate of all its brothers. Even the beacons illuminating the uncertain sky are swallowed alive. What hope is left for us if even stars burn out? I long to be that one star; the one that escaped the advancing clouds of uncertainty and sadness.
The star escaped at Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1086332782599223812004-06-03T23:56:00.000-07:002004-06-04T00:22:17.546-07:00Everyone is so happy; I mean everyone. I just look around and I'm finding happiness everywhere, the only problem is that I can't find it within myself. I don't want it to sound like I'm bitching or I want sympathy; fuck sympathy; I don't want it. I'm just saying that I want to find something more. I don't even know what it is I'm looking for, so how can I expect to find it. Ughh... I don't know Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1086301584713356152004-06-03T15:24:00.000-07:002004-06-03T15:26:24.713-07:00Well, I just got some bad news. It turns out that Joe has had some kidney rejection. Now he's laid up in the hospital. I'm leaving to go see him right now, I hope he's doing okay. I'm a little worried, I just called him at the hospital and he told me that he might be there for a couple of days. Ughhh...I hate hospitals...Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1086139656498278552004-06-01T18:27:00.000-07:002004-06-01T18:27:36.496-07:00I’ve just been really weird lately. I’ve been frustrated with things, everything and everyone. Things were going so well for a little while and now with a single night, I seem to have fallen asleep and woken up in the recent past. That’s why I’m different. I’m a little scared. I don’t know where any of this is going to end up and lately I’ve scared myself by not caring. I just need it to be like Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1086136600940317292004-06-01T17:34:00.000-07:002004-06-01T17:36:40.940-07:00I was in a really shitty mood yesterday. I picked Colin up late, around 12, and we just hung out. Thats why I love hanging out with that guy, he always seems to make me feel better. Only a few people, namely Jay, can do that for me. It felt like old times; listening to Wesley Willis, just driving around, drinking, eating and just talking. It was great.
I also realized some things too, but in Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1086076055181588032004-06-01T00:45:00.000-07:002004-06-01T00:47:35.183-07:00I guess this needs a little introduction. I wrote this today when I was really depressed. I decided to post it because I really had nothing else to do with it. I didn't edit it or anything, and I wrote it in about 30 minutes.
I'll add a real update later today; but right now, I need sleep.
The Old Man and the Cabin
Written By Brian Mundt
Cold air blew in through the open chimney and gently Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1085774188928811042004-05-28T12:48:00.000-07:002004-05-28T12:56:28.930-07:00Well, here I am, my first day of summer vacation. Absolutely nothing to do, and it feels great. It's sunny, I'm listening to great music and I'm not thinking about anything. Perfect.
Tonight's gonna be great, a little supper with Jay, and a night with Julie, can't wait. I have to get through work first, but I'm in a really good mood, so it'll go fast. Work always seems to go slower when it's Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1085720746252027702004-05-27T21:48:00.000-07:002004-05-27T22:05:46.253-07:00I want to be happy when I get older. I want to have a great, understanding wife who loves me for who I am, not who she wants me to be and a bunch of little kids running around driving me crazy. I want to have a nice house, great neighbors, a good job, and a healthy family. I want people to be happy, and I don't want to be sad anymore. I don't want to dream, I don't want to worry, I don't want to Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5965305.post-1085095943128601432004-05-20T16:32:00.000-07:002004-05-20T16:32:23.126-07:00Sometimes it's better to never exist at all....Alucardx03noreply@blogger.com0